Truths hurt, don't they?

Hidup gak adil kan? Iya, kadang-kadang. Ada orang kaya, ada orang miskin. Ada orang yang pinter, ada yang gak seberapa pinter. Sebenernya, gue seneng banget kok sama kehidupan gw. Semuanya baik-baik saja, tapi gw harus tetep bilang kalo kadang-kadang emang itu gak adil.
Apa gw pernah nyakitin banyak banget orang? Apa yang gw bikin salah sampe hati gw harus diancurin berkali-kali? Tuhan, kenapa semuanya harus berakhir kaya gini? Selalu kaya gini?
Kenapa orang-orang yang gw sayang semuanya harus pisah, harus pergi, harus berubah? Harus berapa kali gw nanya pertanyaan ini? Apa semuanya HARUS kaya gini baru gw bisa nemuin kebahagian yang sebenernya? Baru kemarin gw seneng banget, terus kenapa kaya semudah membalikkan telapak tangan semua itu keambil? Baru kemarin gw terbang tinggi banget ke langit ketujuh terus kenapa gw sekarang jatuh? Kenapa? Kenapa kenyataan hidup itu mematikan, menyakitkan? Malam seindah ini, kenapa gw menangis? Kenapa gw harus ketemu sama lo kalo akhirnya lo masuk ke dalam daftar orang yang pernah nyakitin gw? Kenapa gw pernah suka sama lo? Dan kenapa ada kata 'kenapa' di dunia ini, yang gak bisa buat gw berhenti bertanya2?

Gw lebih dari ngerti kalo sebenernya gw harus bersyukur banget. Bersyukur bisa kenal sama orang kaya lo, bersyukur gw pernah ngalamin dan ngerasaain momen2 bahagia bareng2. Tapi setelah kita udah gak bisa gitu lagi, lo gak tau seberapa sakitnya gw? Cuma gara-gara ego lo? Jangan bilang lo ngerasain semuanya, jangan bilang lo ngerti. Lo gak akan ngerti. Seberapa negatifnya blog entry gw kali ini, gw masih tetep bersyukur bisa kenal sama semua orang yang pernah nyakitin gw. Semuanya pelajaran kan? Cuma gw capek nangis terus, yah walaupun nangis gak nyelesaiin masalah, cuma gw gak bisa tahan kan. Kata orang nangis bisa bikin lebih baik, cuma sama aja tuh. Perasaan nangis gak bakal bawa balik orang yang ninggalin kita. -_-

Gw cuma heran aja sama seberapa cepetnya waktu bisa mengubah segala sesuatu. Kurang dari 12 jam yang lalu, lo masih cowo gw. Terus beberapa jam yang lalu, kita pisah. Gw gak sanggup terima kenyataan sekarang. Kenapa Tuhan? Kenapa?

Happy belated birthday, Mr. Perfect

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that counts. It's the life in your years."

Abraham Lincoln

Selamat ulang tahun buat one and only Mr. HARIO KURNIADI, M. BIOMED.
24 tahun ya Sir? Saya masih inget banget waktu 2 tahun yang lalu tuh, Sir bikin status "I'm turning 22 today.." waktu cepet ya? udah 2 tahun semenjak saat itu? 

Pokoknya all the best ya Sir. Semoga :
*cepet ketemu jodohnya, nanti kalo nikah harus undang saya ya.. :)
*Semoga makin ganteng, makin pinter, makin segala2nya ya Sir! Makin cool terutama wkwkwk. Tapi jangan makin galak sir, saya sebel banget kalo sir lagi badmooood. Hadeeeeh. Gak bisa diganggu abis.
*semoga Sir Hario makin sukses! terus kalo bisa ambil s3 terus jadi professor deh di Cambridge!

I can't thank you enough for everything and every lesson that you'd taught me, baik di dalam kelas atau di luar kelas. Simply put, I would not be like this if it wasn't because of you. People may think that I'm too much and obsessed, but I think you know what I'm feeling about you. And it's not gonna change.

:-D

your #1 fan,

HELLO :D

Wah udah lama banget ya gak nulis... Pengen nulis banyak banget deh rasanya cuma kalo pas lagi nulis aja...gak ada yang inget. Gue udah sebulan nih di Malaysia, apa rasanya? Capek iya males iya cuma ya gitu deh. I feel fantastic in a strange way.
And the story goes like this.

I've been told that I am such a brave person. Well, if that is the case, I must admit that when it comes to love, I'm not like that at all.
I never possessed such courage, nor I ever been braver than that. But people have their limits, and I know I reached mine that day. I couldn't contain my curiosity any longer.
After that incredible amount of time that we spent together, endless laughter, those stacks of paper we studied together, I never had the courage to ask whether you felt the same thing that I felt about you.
Then I didn't know what had gotten into me until I asked him that question.
"Do you like me?"
I was expecting him to say "no" because the way I saw it, because my feeling said no. But apparently my feeling sucked like it had always been before. It was a yes.
What did I feel?
I felt so relieved that I finally knew. That question that I had been holding for months and you finally got the answer. You sure know what I mean.
 You must know that the way you admire me is really sweet. Sometimes (sometimes, I say) you really give me a butterfly in my stomach. It's that kind of weird feeling that I cannot quite figure it. Not a nervousness, yet it's kinda make my heart beats SLIGHTLY faster.
You know, if at the end of the day I couldn't be with you, or you couldn't be mine, I really don't know what to say. But I guess we just have to let it flow, don't we? If we didn't meet then would that be okay for you? For me?
I never know why God made me meet him, but I'm more than happy tho. :) I never had the intention to feel something about this to someone, it had been a long time since the last time I felt something like that, and I knew deep down inside I still felt afraid. I just cannot take any more betrayals, but this time I know I am more than ready. More than ever.


ps: hmmmm...........whose having his birthday tomorrow?

April Randomness

All right. Setelah vacuum yang cukup lama, here I am back.
Extraordinary things (more to weird things than extraordinary, though) have been happening, but I love my life just as much.

* You know my life revolves around you, the person that will always make me smile no matter how rough and hard my day's been. But looking at you in the state like this, I just cannot bear it. I feel bad, and all I can do is just wish I was there. Wish I had never left, to stay there and to make you proud of me once again. I never know whether you ever feel proud of me or not though. You didn't even congratulate me that day, but if only I stayed, I knew I could at least ease your pain bit by bit.

I never wanted to be engaged in that kind of intense conversation with you, you are this type of man that will always win every time you open your mouth, the way you play with the fact, the way you talk, you always intimidate people. But today was different. I could feel the sadness, I knew what you were feeling, but one thing I didn't know was how to make you feel better. That was the very first time I saw you this sad, first time I saw you lost interest in teaching, first time ever you told me you wanted to give up teaching. Even when I'm writing this I feel so bad I want to cry.

It was not entirely your fault, believe me. You are as amazing as ever, the person that made me fell in love with Biology in the very first place, not only because I like you, but because you are the smartest man I've ever known. Don't ever lose that spirit. Should you lose it, all you have to do just remember how many good students you have produced.

* Done with the sad part. HELLO ALL! I am back in Malaysia. It was like having 4-month hibernation and I was forced to wake up and live my day to the fullest now. I am exhausted, but life goes on, so no complain. Assignment mulai bertaburan, padahal baru minggu kedua. Mungkin gw bakalan modar gara2 tugas, tapi yaudah lah ya entar 3tahun kedepan juga kayanya hidup gw bakalan penuh dengan tugas.

* For my fellow friends! UN tanggal 16! SUPER GOOD LUCK abis ya. I miss you guys, I really don't want to miss the fun but unfortunately I have to :(

* PRAY FOR INDONESIA! I heard there was an earthquake. I'm sending my prayers from here. God bless every each and everyone of us.

* Ketemu anak Jakarta di Kuching itu kaya nemu berlian di got ye gak? Asik banget deh, nyambung iya, diajak ngakak juga seru.

* Tugas numpuk kayanya udah dulu deh sampe sini. See you in the next post!

I Love You

I must be crazy now. Maybe I dream to much.
But when I think of you, I long to feel your touch.
To whisper in your ear, words that as old as time. Words you only would hear, if only you were mine.

I wish I could go back to the very first day I saw you.
I should've made my move when you looked in my eyes.
Cause by now I know that you'd feel the way that I do, and I'd whisper these words as you'd lie here by my side.

I love you.
Please say you love me too.
These three words, they could change our lives forever.
And I promise you that we will always be together till the end of time.

So today, I finally found the courage deep inside, just to walk right to your door.
But my body can't move when I finally get to it -- like a thousand times before.
Then without a word he handed me this letter, read I hope it finds a way to your heart, it said.

Well, maybe I , maybe I need a little love.
And maybe I, maybe I need a little care.
And maybe I, maybe you, maybe you, maybe you
Oh you need somebody to hold you.
If you do, just reach out and I'll be there.

I love you.
Please say you love me too.
These three words, they could change our lives forever.
And I promise you that we will always be together till the end of time.

I love you.
Please say you love me too.
Please, please say you love me too.
Till the end of time.
My baby, together, together, forever.
Till the end of time.
I love you, I will be your light.
Shining bright, shining bright through your eyes.
My baby.

Celine Dion - I Love You

To my one and only

"Just when I felt like giving up on us, you turned around and gave me one last touch that made everything feel better, and even then my eyes got wetter. So confused, wanna ask you if you love me, but I don't wanna seem so weak."

If he read this, I'm screwed. But since I've been so open about my feelings, I really thought this would be nothing. This is only something that I should have said but I didn't have even the slightest courage to tell you. Of course I won't have it, I am no one in your eyes. 

I never thought I would leave you that early. Even when I thought about it, about who would be the person I missed the most when I left, my family and my friends didn't come first. It was you. It was always you. Because I knew I would still be in touch with them, every time that I wanted to. But you? I was so afraid that someone would take you away from me (well, I know someday someone will) and that we would not be something that we were used to be.

Were you that naive? Every single word that I said to you, I meant it. I meant it with all my heart. Nope, you were not naive, you were just never thought I meant it. You were so clueless, so was I about my own feeling. What I really knew was every time I tried to give up, you just never let me do it. Or was it my own heart? I had to give up but somehow the combination of my heart and you never let me to.

Please blame my brain, why it kept showing me these flashback memories. Beautiful memories that I've been collecting since the first day I met you. 

When we had coffee, watched movie and almost the whole movie you were sleeping next to me, and we went back at 3, it was the happiest and the most amazing day in my life.

When I called you because I was so ehm, well, sort of mad that you didn't go with me to Tanjung Lesung, the way you explained it to me was so sweet. Maybe I was exaggerating, but it was really sweet of you explaining every details to me until I completely forgot about it and I just kept smiling afterwards.

When you held my hand when you were about to take my blood, I couldn't forget.

When you called my name when I was walking down the hallway, I really missed it.

When you asked me to talk to you again, really I became crazy that day. REALLY, I was in the middle of Math class that day, and I had to go to the toilet in order to calm myself down.

It's amazing how a person can drive another person crazy, rite?
Up till now, I don't know how to conclude this, but I do think that I feel like this "I love you but I don't wanna fall deeper because I don't even stand a chance to be with you."And at the end of the day, I knew I wasn't the one for you. Sigh, when you find your 'the one', I just hope that she isn't her. First time I heard that news, it felt like I was stabbed in the back. PLEASE NO. HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? You cannot be with her. Well, just please don't her, please.

I am so positive that If I asked you how was your feeling towards me, you would consider me insane. We're just too different, yet I adore you like crazy.

I just want you to know that you're irreplaceable. Forever.
And that you're the best thing that I never had.
And.. I was over the moon, so glad that I met you.
We'll always be like this, won't us?

xx

Officially 18

I feel awesome. But it's kinda weird though, when I think that 2 more years and I'll be 20 something. The time passes so fast, doesn't it? And us, human, will never be able to possess the ability to turn back time (or maybe I'll be the person who can control time and invent that so-called time machine? I WISH).

*Anyway, I had an amazing 18 years. I couldn't ask for more and I have God to thank for. Thank you for all the warm wishes -- text messages, BBMs, Facebook walls, mentions, whatsapps that you guys sent me yesterday. Special thanks to this awesome singer, Sam Tsui, who really made my day by saying happy birthday. I love you, Sam, I swear to God. x

Hehe, of course all of you really rock and each one of the wishes had successfully made my day. Thank you for that. :)

*Mr. Hario! Bener2 deh ni orang harus dipaksa minta selamat ulang tahunnya. Kan gw maunya yang puanjang gitu sama wish-wishnya.... Cuma pas gw bilang gitu dia malah bales dengan emot sarcastic. Galak amat, Sir. Anyway thanks ya Sir. Kaya gini juga udah buat saya senyum kok. As always.

*I've been listening to a friend's story, I really couldn't give you the details but oh gosh.. Gue takut kali punya pacar. Meeeenn, yang kayanya baik2 aja ternyata it's not okay.
Come to think of it again, "No owner means no heart break" rite rite rite? I know why my High School was super awesome. I didn't give my heart to anyone -- nothing to think, didn't have to cry over break up, fights, that's super lame (gaya lah lu chelle), just focused on that exhausting exams and homeworks. I really enjoyed my time teasing (is that the right word?) Mr Hario and he never failed to make me smile even if he only said a word. He got that power to ALWAYS make me smile, you know, even when he only called my name. But seriously, later, I HAVE TO to give my heart to someone who'll appreciate it, take it but don't break it. Hereby, I've decided not to like anyone -- not until I finish my degree (isn't that way too extreme? you can't control it anyway) and not until I'm ready. Ready for another heart break. I think 18 is still too young to think about that. #trauma #sudahlah #lupakan
Anyway, having a virtual bf is much more promising (?) and I have Kurt Schneider to thank for. Thank you for always making good music, xx.

You got a pair of pretty eye, don't you know? And I can't help boys with pretty eyes.

*AH. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MOM. The most amazing woman that I've ever known, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MOM.

KEEP BEING AWESOME. I am so proud of being your daughter. xxx

*I really lost track of time. I feel like it was only yesterday I reached home, and now I only have like half a month to go back to the reality. School. Damn. I'm enjoying this holiday so much, tbh it's the first time ever in my life to have a 4-month holiday since I went to kindergarten :D I told you life was awesome :)

But my 2nd semester timetable is not awesome at all. I'll be having this hectic Monday, it really suck, most class ends at 1930hours (suck even more), but but but I love Thu-Fri though and I love the fact that I will only have either Chemistry or Mathematics for morning classes. Still, Swinburne gw mau jalan2 sama temen2 gw kenapa mesti masuk sih bulan April sih. Not a good timing AT ALL.

*I haven't mentioned this! Thanks so much to @oshyrosalina @adrianusluo @andreashartant0 for coming to my house today bringing me J.Pops. It was so sweet of you guys celebrating my day when you guys are having such a busy day at school. You guys rock even more :3

Btw, thank you again for all the presents and cakes. I do think the past two days I've been having too much sweet.

*Despite the fact that I'm gonna be back to Kuching for my 2nd semester, I'm kinda excited about April. It's Pottermore everybody. Who are excited? I am. And it's the end of Glee hiatus. Been waiting for this time.

*Angry Birds Space will be released this March 22. I don't really play Angry Birds - I kinda suck tbh but I'm just way too excited. FYI, my mom's really good at it. She finished it all -- Angry Birds, Angry Birds Season, Angry Birds Rio. 

We're talking about outerspace! No gravity! The birds have been modified, so it's gonna be awesome. 

Check out one of the amazing birds that'll be featured. LAZER BIRD. 

* I wrote too much. You guys will probably get bored of it, so I'm gonna stop it right here. See you guys the other day then.

Much love xxx